Vatican ‘Orgasm-Gate’ May Be The Last Straw For Tucho

Writings from the Vatican’s controversial doctrinal czar exploring intimate details of male and female orgasm has been dubbed the last straw for his meteoric but scandal-ridden career.

Víctor Manuel “Tucho” Fernández, a close personal friend and ghostwriter for Pope Francis, whom the pontiff called to Rome to lead the Vatican’s powerful doctrinal office, elevating him to the rank of cardinal, has provoked a veritable ecclesial earthquake with the recent discovery and translation of a graphic sexual text comparing orgasm to mystical union with God.

“Let’s not forget that women have a rich venous plexus around the vagina, which maintains a good blood flow after orgasm,” Fernández wrote in his 1998 book Mystical Passion: Spirituality and Sensuality. “That’s why she is usually insatiable. She needs to release the pelvic congestion, and when this does not happen, after orgasm she may want more.”

“The woman requires more time, more dedication. She needs the man to give her something extra after he has achieved his own satisfaction,” he added.

Fernández said this week that he had cancelled Mystical Passion not long after it was published and “never allowed it to be reprinted.”

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